More HORROR, Please!


I went grocery shopping on Thursday to get a jump on all the assholes getting ready for the “big storm” we are supposed to be having here in Seattle. But like a true Seattleite, this storm just couldn’t be bothered to be where it said it would. So I cooked chili and have a list of horror to watch and no storm. Not really. I mean, it’s windy. It’s grey. It’s been raining off and on for two days. But this is Seattle.

So, while my fella catches up with GLaDOS, I’ll give you a brand new list of horror movies. Movies I haven’t listed before! I’ve made a few lists of horror movies. I’ll link them here for you.

Since some awesome movies have come out in the past few years, and I have overlooked a few, I thought it was the right time for another list. Enjoy!

Lake Mungo, (2008) – I’m putting it first so you don’t miss it. This is by far the scariest film on the list. And I do NOT scare easy. If at all. This is a documentary style horror film that leaves you wondering if it really isn’t true after all. It makes Blair Witch look like the footage my mom found of our camping trip to Lake Tahoe in 1988. I don’t want to say anything else. If you see one of these movies, make it this one. You’ll be sorry in all the right ways.

From the Dark, (2014) – I put this in the “survive the night” category of horror movies. All they have to do is make it until the sun comes up. That’s all. A couple who has… car trouble… finds a creepy house to take shelter in. Stupid.

Antichrist, (2009) – All of Lars Von Trier’s films should be classified as horror. I’m just saying. But this one… THIS ONE! Let’s just say you haven’t seen a “couple in a cabin in the woods” movie like this one before. Known only as HE and SHE, the already terrifying Willem Dafoe, and the always in need of a hug or a valium Charlotte Gainsbourg play the couple. If you have the stomach for it, this is a fantastically horrifying film that even seasoned horror fans like myself had trouble sitting through. A fucked up movie. It’s violent. It’s gory. And again, it’s directed by Lars Von Trier.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, (2014)large_sgkw6ifftakwlqy2olfdq4ubxv0I love horror movies in black and white. Maybe it’s a sentimental thing, but every shadow is creepier in black and white. This movie takes place in the aptly named Bad City, where darkness, death and loneliness are your new neighbors. It’s also about a skateboarding vampire badass bitch. It’s an Iranian film written and directed by a woman named Ana Lily Amirpour

The Vanishing (Spoorloos, 1988) – This movie fucked me up for a few days. Psychological terror is worse than a guy with a knife any day. This movie deals with that feeling of needing to know… A woman is abducted from a truck stop. Years later, after dedicating his life to finding her, he receives a letter from her abductor. An utterly devastating movie.

Wolf Creek, (2005) – My favorite way to begin any movie: BASED ON TRUE EVENTS. Ah, yes… Backpackers on a road trip. Does it ever end well for them? Not onscreen. Without giving too much away, this one deals with three Australians in the outback who run into some trouble and go looking for help. This movie is disturbing and it feels like someone is breathing over your shoulder the entire time. You’ll hate every second as much as you love it. A remake is due out this year, but see this first!

Dead End, (2003) – As the title suggests a family makes a really bad decision on their way to a family Christmas dinner. This is low budget horror at its best. And that’s all I’ll say about it. I don’t want to give anything away.

The Bad Seed, (1956)bad-seed-1956-patty-mccormackAn oldie but a goodie. The original Kiddie Killer is still the creepiest. Played to perfection by a young Patty McCormack, Rhoda Penmark is the perfect little angel. Most of the time. She just gets real upset sometimes. Another movie in black and white, this 1950’s film breaks from the monsters of the time and gives us something far more horrifying: CHILDREN.

Grace, (2009) – Speaking of fucked up children, have you seen Grace? I guess this is more of a fucked up mom, but still. After a tragic accident kills her husband and unborn baby, Madeline Matheson insists on delivering the baby to term anyway. And as you might have guessed, this baby doesn’t want Mother’s Milk. It’s gross and disturbing and pretty much perfect for mom’s to be.

Bug, (2006) – I’m still pissed at my friend who told me to watch this. This movie messed me up for like… six years now? It stars Ashley Judd and the always frightening Michael Shannon as two lonely losers who find solace in each other and a shared delusion. It’s insane. It’s scary. I took a shower after.

10 Best Horror Villains

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – I love Halloween! I love the candy, the decorations, the costumes, trick-or-treating, and pumpkins! I even love all the scary college girls dressed up as Hookers. It wouldn’t be the same without them. Who would the rest of us make fun of all night if dumb twenty somethings didn’t dress up like slutty cats, dogs, teachers, and Elmo’s? The point is that I love Halloween and all the fun stuff that comes along with it. And part of that fun stuff is horror movies 24/7.

Last year I gave you an awesome list of my personal favorite Halloween movies. This year I will give you my favorite Horror Villains. This list is near and dear to me. Halloween is supposed to be scary and fun. Methinks we have gotten away from that.The focus isn’t on scary anymore. The only costume options for little girls seem to be pink or sexy. Well, screw that. I want to be scared! Bring on the slashers and stalkers. Bring on the crazies and the zombies! Here is my inspirational list of 10 terrifying villains.

  1. Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins), Psycho – Mild mannered hotel clerk Norman Bates manages to scare the bejeezes out of me every time I watch this movie. I think it is a combination of his pervy “Peeping Tom” stuff combined with his hatred for women who take showers. The last scene in the movie says it all. 
  2. Michael Myers, Halloween – My personal favorite slasher is Mike Myers. I like his can do attitude. He is super strong, super stealthy and he doesn’t stop until he gets the job done. He escaped a mental institution and needs to kill Jamie Lee Curtis and an assortment of other high school babysitters including (but not limited to) one of my childhood heroes, PJ Soles. 
  3. Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates) Misery The phrase “I’m your biggest fan” has never been more frightening. Kathy Bates is the worst nurse since Nurse Ratched, who almost made this list herself. She’s sweet, inventive and most of all she’s 100% committed to reading. I like that in a murderer. And I believe half the credit here goes to James Caan who made us all feel just as tortured as he was. 
  4. Angela Baker (Felissa Rose) Sleepaway Camp – Judge, jury and executioner. This is one badass bitch. Kind of. I mean she was born a he, but raised as a girl and, well, it’s a really good back story and if you haven’t watched this classic 80’s slasher flick then just go do that now. It’s awesomness is vast my friends, vast. 
  5. “Leatheface”, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre – Speaking of making a suit out of skin… 
  6. “Bronson” (Tom Hardy) Bronson – This film is based on a real dude. He is the most notorious prisoner in the UK and earned the nickname “Bronson” because he likes killing people and kicking the crap out of them. If you haven’t seen this excellent film, then do so. But it is ULTRA VIOLENT, and ultra stylized which makes it ultra badass. Oh, and it includes my favorite sentence in all of cinema – BASED ON A TRUE STORY! 
  7. Mrs. Margaret White (Piper Laurie), Carrie – I never thought of Carrie herself as a villain. She was a victim of circumstance and totally bad parenting. The REAL villains in this film are John Travolta, PJ Soles (god bless her) and one Miss Piper Laurie who plays Carrie’s crazy mom. If you think your mom is nuts, then you’ll feel better after seeing Carrie. Dirty Pillows! 
  8. Baby Jane Hudson (Bette Davis) Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?– Bette Davis started out her career as the beautiful, young ingenue. She steadily made her way up through the ranks of Bitch and Villain until she finally made a full 180 with Badshit Crazy Super Bitch. Baby Jane Hudson is Bette Davis at her best. And, it didn’t hurt her performance that she hated Joan Crawford in real life either. 
  9. “Buffalo Bill”, (Ted Levine) The Silence Of The Lambs – You thought I was going to say Hannibal Lector, didn’t you? I know he gets all the glory, but Jamie “Buffalo Bill” Gumb is far more terrifying than the good Doctor. First off, he is still on the loose. Second, he kidnaps overweight women from parking lots. Third, he throws them in a ditch, kills them, and then skins them so he can make a woman suit. All he wants is to be pretty. I get that.
  10. “The Big Bad” The Cabin in the Woods – If you haven’t seen this, then I don’t want to ruin the fun. But all I can say is it IS fun. It’s a great movie that satisfies all your horror movie needs. I’m not even going to include a clip. Just watch it and have a fun time.